Performing the Maternal
Part One:

Maternal Body... (during IVF)
The natural maternal body…full, round and pink with pleasure.
The early maternal body…sick and torn.
The late maternal body…stretched, marked and swollen.

My body was empty, hollow and yellow.
My abdomen wasn’t filled and plump,
but flat,
concave even.

Bloods, x-rays, fluids, scans.
Measuring ovaries, counting follicles.
Hormones stop normal ovulation…enter menopause, hot flushes and night sweats.
Hormones pump it up again…ovaries swell, produce those eggs, well beyond what's "natural".

Inject…take tablets…everyday, several times a day.
Put everything in your body to make it maternal… get your body where it should be.
Nothing on the outside.

You’re out of your body when they remove the eggs.
Watch them grow, cells that multiply.
Put them back, wide awake, full bladder, legs up in stirrups.

Injections, tablets, pessaries.

Relax, breathe.
It’s just a disease. You can’t die from it, get a grip.
Keep going body.
Keep going.